And the peasants rejoiced.
Hey friends. It's good to be back.
So, on August 10 I'm moving to Ithaca. Chloe, I don't know if I ever gave you the rest of the story on how it came to be Cornell. Basically, where I was in the weeks leading up to D-Day was that I felt like I ought to go to Michigan, but I wanted to go to Cornell. And I'm not good at navigating those decisions, being a person who conflates what I do with who I am. But in the meantime, Mich people were turning into hard-core mean and spiteful people. As in, I would get off the phone with them and cry because they made me feel so bad about myself. They would say things like: It's elitist to want to go to Cornell, and I'm only drawn by names and money; that I would have no academic integrity if I went there; that I would never emerge from the shadow of my mentors there; that I would be nothing more than a human pet.
These were not very nice things. And yet the odd thing about bullying is that it's sickeningly effective. So on April 15, after not having slept or eaten in about three days, I clicked yes to Michigan's offer.
And spent the morning weeping abjectly.
Denise gave me a rule: that I wasn't allowed to say anything to myself that I wouldn't also say to Sophie. Which worked well in principle, but when I left work I called her and wailed that all could think all morning was that I wanted to renege and go with Cornell. And she said that was all she could think, too -- and that Joan S. had chimed in with the same message. And so I did. It took a few awkward phone calls, but now I've got a great dinner party story, and I'm really excited about going, except for when I'm completely and utterly terrified.
In the meantime: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=9586447068&oid=2213843823#/group.php?gid=2213843823
So, on August 10 I'm moving to Ithaca. Chloe, I don't know if I ever gave you the rest of the story on how it came to be Cornell. Basically, where I was in the weeks leading up to D-Day was that I felt like I ought to go to Michigan, but I wanted to go to Cornell. And I'm not good at navigating those decisions, being a person who conflates what I do with who I am. But in the meantime, Mich people were turning into hard-core mean and spiteful people. As in, I would get off the phone with them and cry because they made me feel so bad about myself. They would say things like: It's elitist to want to go to Cornell, and I'm only drawn by names and money; that I would have no academic integrity if I went there; that I would never emerge from the shadow of my mentors there; that I would be nothing more than a human pet.
These were not very nice things. And yet the odd thing about bullying is that it's sickeningly effective. So on April 15, after not having slept or eaten in about three days, I clicked yes to Michigan's offer.
And spent the morning weeping abjectly.
Denise gave me a rule: that I wasn't allowed to say anything to myself that I wouldn't also say to Sophie. Which worked well in principle, but when I left work I called her and wailed that all could think all morning was that I wanted to renege and go with Cornell. And she said that was all she could think, too -- and that Joan S. had chimed in with the same message. And so I did. It took a few awkward phone calls, but now I've got a great dinner party story, and I'm really excited about going, except for when I'm completely and utterly terrified.
In the meantime: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=9586447068&oid=2213843823#/group.php?gid=2213843823
Labels: grad school
posted by SisterMaryKate | 6:39 PM
3 Comments:
I'm a little bit creeped out by how many of those "you might be a grad student" statements ring true for me. I ought to start one called "you might be a disillusioned organizer who misses the academy but understands its shortcomings if...", though that is a touch on the wordy side.
Hi, Kate!
Kate, I can't believe that Michigan was so awful to you and I congratulate you on not giving in to their bullying. I'm almost embarrassed, although I'm in the School of Ed, so in a school this big there's really no connection :P. When do you start at Cornell? When do you move?
P.S. Aubrey, are you disillusioned with the world in the way that we are all disillusioned, or did something specific and awful happen?
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